Sexual Expression
By Shibani Varma
Kavita, a resident of Chandigarh, recently received an invitation to join an all-women’s group described as being formed purely for “fun.” That “fun” included attending gigolo parties—events featuring male strippers offering lap dances and other services for women—in cities like Delhi, Chandigarh, and beyond. What Kavita did with the invite is another story. What truly caught our attention was the fact that this group has reached over 500 members.
For the uninitiated, gigolo parties are social events where male entertainers perform for an all-female audience, often involving lap dances, strip shows, and sometimes more. The number of women involved in these gatherings got us thinking.
For generations, sexual desire has been overwhelmingly associated with men. Popular media, films, and culture often depicted men wooing women to fulfil their sexual cravings, while women were shown as passive gatekeepers of virtue. Rarely were women portrayed as initiators of sexual desire—if at all, such themes were handled subtly in coming-of-age cinema.
But times are changing.
Ramona, a London-based life coach, puts it candidly:
“Sex is an instinct. The fact that it involves both a man and a woman makes it inherently mutual. Female denial of sexual interest isn’t natural—it’s social conditioning. In many Asian cultures, women are raised to suppress their desires. But we enjoy sex too, just like men. Denying that is simply silly.”
Supriya Mehra, a columnist for a Delhi-based daily, agrees:
“Yes, I feel like having sex—and there are days when I don’t. Our feelings are not much different from men’s. The real issue is that women rarely talk about it, either for fear of being judged or due to safety concerns tied to societal perceptions.”
A great example of female sexual agency portrayed with grace is the film *Piku*. The protagonist openly admits to her father that she sometimes wants sex and acts on it. She is a single, career-driven woman who balances personal freedom with responsibility. She isn’t desperate, loud, or stereotypically “sexy.” She wears block-printed suits to work, pairs them with silver jewellery, and sports a simple bindi. She is the quintessential girl next door, who just happens to own her sexual desires.
This challenges the long-held stereotypes that a sexually assertive woman must dress a certain way or behave provocatively. Sanjay Verma, a DJ at a popular Bangalore nightclub, sums it up:
“We see all kinds of women every day. Some wear short skirts, others wear full-sleeved tops. Some are bold in red, others understated in browns. Trust me, clothing says nothing about a woman’s sexual choices. It’s time we stopped classifying women into ‘types’. Just like men, women have varying moods—sometimes passionate, sometimes not. It’s just human.”
A well-known private health specialist from Chandigarh adds a clinical perspective:
“It is both normal and healthy for women to feel sexually inclined. Consider this—would any man want a partner who isn’t interested in sex at all? Even traditional practices acknowledge this—take the toe ring worn by married women in many Indian cultures. It’s believed to stimulate nerve points associated with sexual energy. These aren’t new ideas; they date back centuries.”
And so, the existence of all-female groups that gather for such events isn’t just a sign of changing times—it’s a reflection of a shift in awareness and empowerment. These gatherings attract women in their late twenties to their late fifties and are happening in both metropolitan and smaller cities alike.
Dr. Ahluwalia, a Gurgaon-based therapist, makes a significant point:
“Women not only have sexual desires but sexual expectations. Just as men fantasize about looks or performance, so do women. Sadly, many women go unheard in the bedroom. Society expects them to maintain their appearance after childbirth, while their partners let themselves go. Often, sex becomes a mechanical routine, devoid of foreplay, connection, or satisfaction. Over time, this frustration can even drive women to seek pleasure elsewhere. It’s not about morality—it’s about unmet needs.”**
When partners disengage—emotionally or physically—it’s a wake-up call. As Dr. Ahluwalia humorously suggests:
“Sometimes, it’s the woman who needs to bring out the thongs and handcuffs.”
It’s high time women felt safe and confident expressing their desires—and high time men listened without judgment. Open, respectful conversations about sexuality can lead to stronger, healthier relationships.
So here’s to owning your desires, expressing them without shame, and creating a world where sexual well-being is part of emotional well-being, for everyone.
Here’s to celebrating you. In unison.